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africanut
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Name: esther
Birthday: 2/20/1989
Interests: knowing my Lord more and more, people, africa, adventure, my family, extreme activities, petitioning to make math classes not mandatory,
Expertise: moving!, doing random things, laughing, talking, eating fruit, sporting short hair, thinking, running, international travel, wearing flipflops, meeting new people
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/30/2005
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| it has been a while and i don't think anybody does xanga anymore, because facebook seems to have taken over the world. of liberty, at least. our internet was down just because 75% of the servers were being used for facebook, or something like that. ridiculous. and we're in school for... school? apparently not. anyhoo.. i should be working on my paper right now but i am taking a break from research writing to creative writing. HA! the subject isn't too fun besides. so i'd rather post a blog about my reflections over this past year. hard at times. i wish "hard" didn't come before "good", but i am an honest person. many things i have had to learn since being in the U.S., many things i have yet to learn, and some things i will probably never learn. i think "solitude" is a good word to describe the past two semesters. God has taken me to a place where i have had to trust in Him in a whole new, deeper way. in a way where Jesus was the only witness to my tears and heartache, the only friend in my times of need and my only comfort because the desert is not a place of comfort. he has had to break me (is still breaking me) of certain prides and prejudices i didn't even realize i had before coming here. he has been there to help me in seemingly the most simple, mundane things. he does care about our every little need. he is enough. even if i had all the friends, all the riches, all the knowledge in the world, but didn't have Jesus, i would have nothing. but if i have him, and no home, no possessions, no family, i have everything i need. solitude is hard, but solitude is good because we grow in ways where places of abundance cannot grow us.
he is enough. | | |
| today was the prettiest day we've had in a while. i told God i am ready for summer so maybe it's on its way! i mean summer weather, at least, but i am having to pray for patience as well. i've been accepted to work as a counselor at a camp in tennessee and i am sooo excited!!! a little scared, but determined and looking forward to it more than anything. for now i am HERE though. at LIBERTY university. in AMERICA. a place where sometimes i must choose to be joyful even though i've considered all the facts. paul said, "i have learned to be content in every circumstance..." the Lord is teaching me that every single day! you really have to be careful what you tell God, or what you ask for, because He hears you! (big surprise ;) if you say Lord, show me what i'm holding on to, well i can assure you that He will and it will be harder than it ever was before to let it go! if you say Lord, help me to be more patient, or more self-controlled, or ___ you will soon find yourself in all these situations where you have the opportunity to be ___. it is kinda funny and kinda not. God is already going to be stretching us but when we specifically ask... well i just think it gives Him all the more license to be the Potter that He is, which puts Him in His place, where he can SQUISH us and POKE us and basically MESS US UP. but that is good and right. we are to be messed up in the presence of the Lord or else we cannot become holy as He is holy. we have to be made uncomfortable in order to learn that trusting in Him is the best way. and that's hard. and that's why it's a narrow gate that not many people choose to go through, but those that do will inherit the kingdom of heaven. there is a situation i am dealing with right now, and i am trying to handle it God's way and not the world's way, and those verses just washed over me this morning as the Lord reminded me that it honors Him when i choose His way. "since i have been raised with Christ, i will set my heart on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God the Father." this world is not my home and there is nothing here for me, nothing worth comparing to the glory of heaven and the hope i have in eternity, in Christ. He is the Truth, the Life, the Way, and one day all will see that clearly. every knee will bow and every tongue confess that He is Lord, and that day is the day i press on for. for just a little while longer. just a little while longer. | | |
| I asked the Lord
to let me sing,
to worship Him
in my sleep.
Well His ways
are not mine;
instead of water,
He gives me wine.
In my dream
there was a melody,
I heard not my voice
but my King's:
Over,
All around,
Underneath
was a song
of His love
for me. | | |
| tis the season to be... FREEZING, brr brr brr brr brr, brr brr brr brrrrrrrr........ indeed.
for those of you who don't know, i was in guatemala over christmas break. i wish i could relate what a wonderful time the Lord blessed me and my family with, but you'll just have to imagine: beautiful people. gorgeous weather. luscious mountains. volcanoes and lava and roasting marshmallows over it. fruit. fruit. fruit. spanish. the beach. barefeet. bodysurfing. cloudless sky and blue ocean. a lake. swimming. friends. a big inner tube. my brother. laughing. my sister. laughing. sunset and God's fingers across the horizon and through the depths of waters. kids grinning. boys. firecrackers. noise. of course. a cliff. jumping. a boatride. bouncing. wetness. fun. the best coffee in the world. a plane. an airstrip. kids with big brown eyes. a little boy in cowboy boots and hat. toothless man smiling.
i still miss africa.
but i like guatemala.
God is good. | | |
| so...
i actually miss xanga. it's simpler than facebook (i love the simple things), and i get to share my thoughts. even though no one reads them, it's ok. it's good to write. and maybe when i'm old i will be entertained by what i've put on here. if it still exists by then, ha! or if the Lord doesn't return. speaking of the Lord, i have been having many conversations with people about Him recently. which is just fine because HE is my favorite topic of conversation, and it has been a blessing to be able to make him the topic of conversation because often i find people unwilling to talk about Him. yep, i'm at a christian university and people often don't really want to talk about the Lord. so i jump at the chance to share of Him whenever a door opens.
we had thanksgiving break last week. a few friends and i drove to chicago for a mini class reunion. there were 20 of us, guys and girls, staying in this apartment building which was really quite nice. we made our thanksgiving meal and everything together, and i thought for sure something wouldn't turn out but all of it was agreeable with my stomach. better than the food though, it was a very good time. i would say even almost a better time than our times at school, perhaps because we'd been away and had all been looking forward to it. as is the case in the mk world, you can leave someone, and not see them til months or years later and pick up right where you left off. and that's how it was. leaving them again was leaving a part of myself. life goes on and God's blessings certainly never stop, but i had the best thanksgiving i have ever had.
and now i have two weeks until i get to be with my family for Christmas break, which is a whole month long. i haven't seen them since the beginning of the school year, so i am ready. it will be different, because only they will be familiar to me, but family is more important than location. i am learning to think of home as where my family is. i will probably never really settle down in one place, so really heaven is my home. a very dear friend of mine reminded me today that this world has nothing for us. this life is only the beginning of true life. oh how joyous the day when we are united before the throne of God above, when old things will be passed away and new life in heaven comes!
press on for that day, my friends, with hope and expectation. it's not that far off. not that far off.
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